Wedding Vows
=--=
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an
unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you
get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey'
and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd
appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the
minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved
to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it
comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in
the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every
command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your
life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you
will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall
live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a
deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She
made me a much better offer."

SEX & YOUR FAVORITE COLOR 

STOP
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Before you read this, decide what your favorite color is. 
No looking ahead or changing your mind, either. Got it? 
Ok, read on...Your Favorite color is the "Key to Your Sexual Life"

The clothes you wear, your home furnishings and the car you 
drive all give clues to your sexual personality. The key is 
the colors you select for your possessions. Most people claim 
they haven't a favorite color. But look around you, and you'll 
notice a pattern, especially in your clothing and home decor. 
The predominant color for you is the one that appears most 
frequently -- it's the one that mirrors the sexual you. 
A panel of psychologists, explained the association between 
color and sexual patterns.


RED: 
-----
People who like red tend to be tigers in the sack. 
They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. 
Once the sexual spark is ignited, it may take hours to extinguish. 
When two reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make 
Lady Chatterly blush. Lovers of red tend to be aggressors 
and weaker colors should be aware.

YELLOW: 
-------
If you tend to favor yellow, your sexual drives are complex 
and turn toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals 
is yellow. But don't panic -- not everyone who wears yellow is gay. 
In most cases the person will consent to the stronger partner's 
desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the 
fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from 
somebody you enjoy or admire.

PINK: 
----
Persons who like pink show a reluctance to mature in sexual 
matters: women tend to tease, to promise more than they intend 
to deliver. In some cases they flaunt their femininity -- 
but because they secretly hate men. A great percentage of 
prostitutes boast entire wardrobes in pink. Men who like 
pink are the philanderers and flirts. They are the type who 
will make three dates for the same evening and not keep 
one, preferring to pick up someone in some bar instead. 
Women whose husbands like pink should keep a secret nest egg.

PURPLE: 
-------
Lovers of purple frequently consider themselves to be too
sophisticated for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are 
the type who hate to mess their hair. Men are business-like 
in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes purple partners 
are more concerned with their fulfillment than anyone else's 
gratification.

BLACK: 
-------
Black color preferences point to black sex (not necessarily 
meaning black partners). These people are the misfits of the 
sex world and seek out each other in kinship. They tend to prefer 
perverted sex and are usually masochistic or sadistic in nature. 
They are moody people and often perform at their peak when under 
stress or during unhappy times. Police psychiatrists claim that 
sex offenders prefer the color black. And it is no coincidence 
that the uniform of mobsters and teenage gangs is black attire.

GREEN: 
------
Those who prefer green are fresh and innocent in their 
approach to sex. Women who love green will always make love like 
virgins all their life. And a man may always be a trifle clumsy 
and awkward but in a charming and endearing sort of way. Green 
lovers are gentle, but not passionate. If chosen as a mate, one 
will never need worry about infidelity.

ORANGE: 
-------
Lovers of the color orange lean toward sexual fantasies. 
The sex act is regarded as a dramatic one-act play in which 
they are the star. Foreplay is as important as the act of love.
They whisper sweet nothings, meaningless dialogue; they feel 
it is their image. Orange people often do not experience orgasm -- 
but they put on a darn good act. Men tend to pull their partner's 
hair, and women leave red welts on the sex partner's back.

BROWN: 
------
If you love brown, you're a real treasure for the right mate. 
Brown lovers tend to be warm and deep, sensitive to the needs 
and desires of their partners. Love is a 24 hour a day thing, 
where you can't say "I love you" often enough. Snuggling by the 
fire, walking in the rain or catching snowflakes on their tongue 
is a turn-on to a lover of brown. They need lots of time and 
privacy to make love. But their emotions are such that one 
harsh word could end the affair.

GREY: 
------
The color grey a preferred by people who are indecisive. They 
can't get excited about anything -- including color -- so they 
choose a noncommittal shade. Men who prefer grey look at sex as 
a way of relieving tension -- but nothing more, nothing less. It's 
wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Women don't make love, they have 
intercourse. And for one of two reasons: to accommodate their 
mate, or to become pregnant. They count the cracks in the bedroom 
plaster until the sex act is over with and done. But when teamed 
with another color, the grey spouse considers the other's 
infidelity a blessing. When a grey marries another grey, 
the marriage is made in heaven.

BLUE: 
-----
Lovers of blue are wonderful sex partners. They are sincere,
affectionate and sensitive to their partner's needs. They consider 
lovemaking a fine art and their approach is elegant. Men who 
love blue are like concert pianists, delicately ravaging their 
partner like they would play a baby grand. Women in the blue 
category enjoy sex to the fullest. They are exciting partners 
but their passion may be compared to a tidal wave rather than 
firery aggression. Both women and men enjoy foreplay and the 
aftermath of lovemaking, as much as the sex act itself. In 
marriage a blue person is a wonderful mate -- never seeking 
outside interests.

WHITE: 
------
If a person is infatuated with white, sex often seems filthy. 
These people are puritanical in nature. French kissing is obscene 
and to make love in the daylight is unheard of. Women who love 
white will undress beneath the covers. Men will shower before 
and after the sex act. These people still use pet names 
fort heir genitals.