Brajesh's Wacky Jokes
Up dated on 02.08.1999
Wedding Vows
=--=
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an
unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you
get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey'
and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd
appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the
minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved
to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it
comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in
the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every
command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your
life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you
will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall
live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a
deal."
The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She
made me a much better offer."
SEX & YOUR FAVORITE COLOR
STOP
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Before you read this, decide what your favorite color is.
No looking ahead or changing your mind, either. Got it?
Ok, read on...Your Favorite color is the "Key to Your Sexual Life"
The clothes you wear, your home furnishings and the car you
drive all give clues to your sexual personality. The key is
the colors you select for your possessions. Most people claim
they haven't a favorite color. But look around you, and you'll
notice a pattern, especially in your clothing and home decor.
The predominant color for you is the one that appears most
frequently -- it's the one that mirrors the sexual you.
A panel of psychologists, explained the association between
color and sexual patterns.
RED:
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People who like red tend to be tigers in the sack.
They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable.
Once the sexual spark is ignited, it may take hours to extinguish.
When two reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make
Lady Chatterly blush. Lovers of red tend to be aggressors
and weaker colors should be aware.
YELLOW:
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If you tend to favor yellow, your sexual drives are complex
and turn toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals
is yellow. But don't panic -- not everyone who wears yellow is gay.
In most cases the person will consent to the stronger partner's
desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the
fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from
somebody you enjoy or admire.
PINK:
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Persons who like pink show a reluctance to mature in sexual
matters: women tend to tease, to promise more than they intend
to deliver. In some cases they flaunt their femininity --
but because they secretly hate men. A great percentage of
prostitutes boast entire wardrobes in pink. Men who like
pink are the philanderers and flirts. They are the type who
will make three dates for the same evening and not keep
one, preferring to pick up someone in some bar instead.
Women whose husbands like pink should keep a secret nest egg.
PURPLE:
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Lovers of purple frequently consider themselves to be too
sophisticated for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are
the type who hate to mess their hair. Men are business-like
in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes purple partners
are more concerned with their fulfillment than anyone else's
gratification.
BLACK:
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Black color preferences point to black sex (not necessarily
meaning black partners). These people are the misfits of the
sex world and seek out each other in kinship. They tend to prefer
perverted sex and are usually masochistic or sadistic in nature.
They are moody people and often perform at their peak when under
stress or during unhappy times. Police psychiatrists claim that
sex offenders prefer the color black. And it is no coincidence
that the uniform of mobsters and teenage gangs is black attire.
GREEN:
------
Those who prefer green are fresh and innocent in their
approach to sex. Women who love green will always make love like
virgins all their life. And a man may always be a trifle clumsy
and awkward but in a charming and endearing sort of way. Green
lovers are gentle, but not passionate. If chosen as a mate, one
will never need worry about infidelity.
ORANGE:
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Lovers of the color orange lean toward sexual fantasies.
The sex act is regarded as a dramatic one-act play in which
they are the star. Foreplay is as important as the act of love.
They whisper sweet nothings, meaningless dialogue; they feel
it is their image. Orange people often do not experience orgasm --
but they put on a darn good act. Men tend to pull their partner's
hair, and women leave red welts on the sex partner's back.
BROWN:
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If you love brown, you're a real treasure for the right mate.
Brown lovers tend to be warm and deep, sensitive to the needs
and desires of their partners. Love is a 24 hour a day thing,
where you can't say "I love you" often enough. Snuggling by the
fire, walking in the rain or catching snowflakes on their tongue
is a turn-on to a lover of brown. They need lots of time and
privacy to make love. But their emotions are such that one
harsh word could end the affair.
GREY:
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The color grey a preferred by people who are indecisive. They
can't get excited about anything -- including color -- so they
choose a noncommittal shade. Men who prefer grey look at sex as
a way of relieving tension -- but nothing more, nothing less. It's
wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Women don't make love, they have
intercourse. And for one of two reasons: to accommodate their
mate, or to become pregnant. They count the cracks in the bedroom
plaster until the sex act is over with and done. But when teamed
with another color, the grey spouse considers the other's
infidelity a blessing. When a grey marries another grey,
the marriage is made in heaven.
BLUE:
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Lovers of blue are wonderful sex partners. They are sincere,
affectionate and sensitive to their partner's needs. They consider
lovemaking a fine art and their approach is elegant. Men who
love blue are like concert pianists, delicately ravaging their
partner like they would play a baby grand. Women in the blue
category enjoy sex to the fullest. They are exciting partners
but their passion may be compared to a tidal wave rather than
firery aggression. Both women and men enjoy foreplay and the
aftermath of lovemaking, as much as the sex act itself. In
marriage a blue person is a wonderful mate -- never seeking
outside interests.
WHITE:
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If a person is infatuated with white, sex often seems filthy.
These people are puritanical in nature. French kissing is obscene
and to make love in the daylight is unheard of. Women who love
white will undress beneath the covers. Men will shower before
and after the sex act. These people still use pet names
fort heir genitals.